


oh, i don't wanna be alone (i wanna find a home and i wanna share it with you)

by hearden



Series: Per Aspera [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), Power Rangers, Power Rangers Samurai
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-13 21:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13578897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearden/pseuds/hearden
Summary: Lauren Shiba, infamous solo pilot and estranged sister of Ranger Jayden, is reassigned to the Panorama Shatterdome when rumors arise that Xandred, the kaiju that had killed her father, might resurface after years of hibernation. There, she meets Jayden's friends, all fellow Jaegar pilots with partners, and Marshal Ji, who withholds her from duty, deeming taking on Xandred alone too dangerous, until she concedes to testing her drift compatibility with retired Ranger trainee, Mia Watanabe.





	oh, i don't wanna be alone (i wanna find a home and i wanna share it with you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [valkyrierising](https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrierising/gifts).



> happy ranger romance ficathon and (also) femslash february! i had a wonderful time writing this au (including rewatching pacific rim for """research""" lmao) and i hope you enjoy reading it!!
> 
> it's an au therefore lauren can be Extra Grumpier and Shut-off then normal bc i love drama

**PANORAMA SHATTERDOME, CALIFORNIA - 2020**

In the early days of the Panorama Shatterdome, there had been five trainees in the Jaeger Mark-3 program. Four of those went on to become Rangers, drifting in pairs, and the last one, after weeks of fruitless, time-consuming compatibility tests that ended up fizzling out, had retired, defaulting to supporting her fellow colleagues as an employee instead of a Ranger.

Not before long, though, a sixth Ranger arrived, fresh out of the Academy. He turned out to not be drift compatible with the retired trainee, either, but rather with his old childhood friend, forming Panorama's only triple-pilot Jaeger.

That was Panorama City's first and last line of defense against the kaiju coming out of The Breach for over a year -- two Jaegers, working in harmonic conjunction, as well-oiled machine would, as a team would.

And, then, Lauren Shiba, the infamous solo pilot of Heavenly Fire, was reassigned to Panorama City.

 

-

 

Lauren feels eyes gravitating to her as she steps out of the helicopter, the loud whirring of the rotator blades blocking out all other noise in her mind. Still, she doesn't need to hear anything else to see how the employees of the Shatterdome milling about pause to stare at her before quickly looking away when she goes to meet their eyes.

This -- the silent attention -- is something she's always been used to. It's become one of the silences that she's lived her life to back in Tokyo. She wouldn't be surprised at all if she found out that rumors of her arrival had been prematurely spread around the base, leading to this quiet buzz.

She's always been pretty popular in all parts of the world that she's traveled to, ironically, because of her independence. Adjusting the duffel bag on her shoulder, Lauren squares her shoulders and walks through the entrance of the Shatterdome, keeping her back straight against the people she passes along the way.

Following the map that's been sent to her datapad, Lauren makes her way to Marshal Ji's office, rapping out three sharp knocks on his closed door with her knuckles before standing back and waiting to be received.

A moment passes, and the door swings open, revealing an impeccably well-dressed officer in the traditional marshal blues who she can only assume to be Marshal Ji. Lauren stands at attention and salutes, "Reporting for duty, sir."

"At ease." The marshal nods at her and steps aside to let her in, and that's when she makes eye contact with the other five occupants of the room. She notices Jayden first because she always would, standing slightly in front of the others, a red shirt underneath a leather jacket that bears the patch of his Jaeger. Two men stand beside him, wearing matching jackets over blue and gold shirts, respectively. Lauren knows from reading the files of the other Rangers on base on the flight over that they must be her brother's co-pilots, Kevin and Antonio, which leaves the last two to be co-pilots Mike and Emily.

"Rangers," Ji addresses the five, "I trust that you may have heard of the newest addition to our roster. This is Lauren Shiba."

"Shiba…" Emily glances at Jayden, "You don't mean…?"

"She's my older sister." And, to Lauren, "It's good to finally see you again." Jayden gives her a small smile, "Permission to hug my sister, sir?"

Ji nods. Lauren would call him heartless, even by her standards, if he didn't. Jayden steps forward, his arms out, and Lauren only moves just a fraction, not even halfway, to meet him, discomfort prickling in her chest. Despite that, she lets him hug her tightly and sighs, awkwardly patting him on the back. When he pulls back, Lauren forces a strained smile.

She's never claimed to be good at anything besides being a Ranger.

Jayden goes back to stand with the other Rangers while Lauren lingers by the doorway, keeping a hand on her duffel bag. It's all she really has to her name, even if her brother's standing in the same room.

"As you all know," Ji says, his tone marking the return of a business atmosphere, clasping his hands behind his back, "Our scanners have recently picked up energy signatures unerringly similar to Xandred's from The Breach. It's been years since he's surfaced, and if he's back, then that means this base needs all the help it can get in attempting to take him down or, at best, pushing him back into The Breach as we always have. This is why Lauren has been reassigned to this base -- she is one of the best Rangers across the board and, undoubtedly, a valuable asset to our team."

The crew glances at her as if expecting her to say a few words of introduction. She looks at them then away and forces another strained smile, choosing to stay silent.

Clearing his throat, Ji continues, "Lauren will be joining you all for training at 0500 sharp tomorrow in the Kwoon Combat Room. Any questions?"

"Uh, yes, just one," Mike hesitantly raises a finger in the air, seeming to flinch back as Lauren gazes at him, "You said she's the newest addition to the crew, but… we're… a team. With partners."

Lauren clenches her jaw, just slightly, but keeps herself quiet when Ji glances at her.

"Yes, well, I'm sure you all are aware of Ranger Shiba's solo pilot status." The other four, Jayden excluded, spare a glance at her only to look away when she doesn't let her gaze falter. "Training tomorrow will address the problem of Ranger Shiba not having a co-pilot."

It's then that Lauren finally opens her mouth and speaks, her voice calm and stoic as she can possibly make it, "With all due respect, Marshal, I would like to reassert that my status as a solo pilot is not a _problem._ I did just fine on my own in Tokyo."

Every conversation that she's had with Ji, though, over crackling comms, has started and ended with the same thing: her arguing that she doesn't need a co-pilot and Ji insisting that she does. It's futile, really, for both of them to keep going at it by this point, especially since it's been weeks since he first contacted her in Tokyo to begin her recruitment.

"And I," Ji counters, staring her down, "would like to reassert that we are in Panorama, now, and here, all Rangers are part of a bigger team, unlike how the crew over in Tokyo would have let you handle things on your own without someone to watch your back. Here, comradery isn't optional. It's mandatory."

Lauren fights the urge to frown deeply and keeps her face blank, "Comradery can be achieved without fixing a strategy that isn't broken, sir."

The crew shifts, uneasily, at the tension. Jayden shoots her an uncertain look that she ignores.

"Dismissed, all of you," Ji orders, instead of giving her the satisfaction of a response, "Remember, 0500 in the Combat Room tomorrow. Jayden, if you would, give your sister a tour of our operations here, including her room."

"Yes, sir."

They all snap a brief salute before filing out of the marshal's office. Outside, as Kevin closes the door behind them, Antonio turns to Lauren. "You don't seem to mesh too well with the marshal," he comments, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm not here to mesh with anyone," she says, flatly, "Just to take down Xandred."

"Because he killed your dad?" Kevin asks, curiously.

Lauren looks at Jayden, who gives her a helpless shrug as if there's nothing he could do about that. Which, technically, there is nothing he could do about it since Kevin and Antonio have been in his mind.

One of the many reasons why she's never let anyone into hers.

"Yes," she keeps it short and simple, "Because he killed our father."

"Revenge shouldn't be why you're here," Emily murmurs, frowning a bit at the idea.

"My _orders_ and the reason I was called here is to help you guys kill kaiju and keep this side of the world safe," Lauren shakes her head and turns her back to them, walking down the hallway, "My _motivations_ shouldn't be of any concern to you."

As she walks away, Mike clears his throat, "Uh, don't you want us to show you around?"

She calls over her shoulder, "No. I've got a map."

With that, she leaves them to their own devices and heads for the barracks.

 

-

 

"I don't think I've seen you around before. You're the new Ranger, right?"

Lauren looks at the dark-haired woman serving her her tray of dinner and wonders what it is about her that makes people think they can just go up and talk to her. With her lifestyle, small talk -- or any kind of talk that isn't important to the mission -- is unnecessary. She much prefers silence.

"Yeah," she says, slowly, choosing her words carefully so that she doesn't end up creating _more_ conversational openings by talking, "That's me."

"What's your name? I'm Mia."

Lauren pauses, frowning a bit. There's no one else in line at the counter behind her since she waited until the closest possible time to the last hour of the mess hall being open before she left her room to get food. It makes it the easiest way to avoid being around people for too long, for more than she needs to be, and it especially makes it easier to not have to be invited to sit with Jayden and the other Rangers. She neither wants nor needs them to pry into her life.

"I'm… Lauren." Short and simple.

Mia raises her eyebrows in interest. "Oh! _You're_ Lauren. I heard you were coming. Are you…" she leans in and whispers, almost conspiratorially, "Are you _the_ Lauren?"

"I don't know what you mean by that." She knows _exactly_ what Mia means by that, but she'd rather not entertain anyone. At all.

"You know," Mia smiles, a bit too excitedly for Lauren's tastes, "Lauren Shiba, _solo_ pilot of Heavenly Fire? One of the few Rangers to ever pilot a Jaeger on their own and live to tell the tale?"

Lauren blinks. This is not the first time she's been treated like some kind of celebrity, and it most likely won't be the last. "Well," she huffs, "You clearly already know who I am, so why bother asking?"

Mia's smile grows wider, "You're awesome."

"Uh, thanks." Lauren walks away without so much as a goodbye, wanting to leave before Mia -- God forbid -- starts _gushing_ over her or something equally horrible and discomfort-inducing.

Jayden catches her gaze as she leaves the meal line and waves her over to his table where he's sitting with the other Rangers.

She pointedly ignores him and finds the first empty table she can, sitting down and warding off anyone who even strays close to her space with a silent look.

 

-

 

At 0500 the next morning, Lauren is dressed in a deep red tank top and a pair of black sweatpants, ready to not be doing this.

However, if Marshal Ji's stern glance has anything to do with it, she's going to be doing it, anyway.

"There's a list of candidates that have been vetted for you, Ranger Shiba," Ji addresses the entire Combat Room, Rangers and spectators alike, "Assessing physical, mental, and emotional capabilities, we hope to find someone who can drift with you into The Grid today."

Lauren highly doubts that.

But, nevertheless, there's a good crowd turnout in the room, people quietly murmuring to each other. She is, after all, an urban legend -- Lauren Shiba, the Ranger who has not only piloted a Jaeger into and out of battle by herself but done it for _years._ Others have been forced into combat without a co-pilot before -- Dillon and Tenaya come to mind first, automatically, but they are two among _many._ None of them, though, have done what she has.

She holds the bo staff given to her by her side, her posture straight and calm.

The other Rangers stand just outside of the floor mat. Lauren glances around at the crowd, noting Mia near the front of the spectators. The base still has to keep running, but a good number of people have taken a break off of their shifts just to maybe sneak a peek at who can keep up with Lauren. She tears her eyes away from the crowd and looks at Jayden.

"I'm ready, sir," she says, smoothly.

"Very well. The first candidate is, of course, Jayden."

She nods. It's a logical choice, even if it would leave Kevin and Antonio to pilot Flaming Shogun as a duo instead of a trio. Not that she doesn't think that would work -- just that Jayden is the one who brought them together, drifting with Kevin first and then Antonio, so pulling him out of the equation…

Not that it matters, though. Lauren knows she isn't going to drift with her brother.

Jayden steps onto the mat and picks up the other bo staff from the floor. "Don't go easy on me, sis," he teases, flashing her a smirk.

Lauren takes a deep breath, bracing herself, "I wouldn't dream of it."

She twirls the staff in her hands, holding it out and pointing it toward him with both hands steady. Jayden's eyes flicker to her right, and she easily anticipates the lunge he makes to flank her from that side, slamming her staff against his in a strike that would've surely cost her her first point so quickly into the morning.

Fighting in the Combat Room is not just fighting. Not just sparring.

It's a dialogue, a performance, an _art._

Lauren has never been much of an artist, but she knows what she wants her art to say.

_Not today. Not ever._

She has lived in silence, and in it, she has found her home.

Jayden spins and tries to bring his staff up to go for her left shoulder, but she dodges it with grace, stepping to the side and avoiding his staff by centimeters, holding her breath as it _whooshes_ past her.

Taking advantage of his miss, she drives an elbow into his exposed side and bring the end of her staff to rest an inch below his chin, not quite touching the skin. He stumbles back, catching his breath, and frowns.

Her art says: _Leave me alone._

"1-0," Ji calls out. Lauren spares a glance at him, but his face is unreadable.

Jayden takes a few steps back, resetting the round and leans his staff over his shoulder like he would a sword.

This time, she decides to come to him.

He misses the swing at her head, and she ducks underneath it, kicking his legs out with a sweep of her leg. Her foot goes onto his chest, and her staff is, once again, underneath his chin.

"2-0."

Jayden grumbles and begrudgingly accepts the hand Lauren offers to him to get up.

He almost gets her in the next round, his staff whistling too close to her ear for comfort, but she stumbles out of the way in time. It's a rough mistake, one that she promises herself not to make again.

She traps him when he lunges at her, and she dodges behind him, holding her staff to the back of his neck.

"3-0." Too easy.

The fourth point he practically gives her when their staffs _clack_ together over and over again, but he leaves his left side open, so she leans her weight onto his right side then kicks his legs out from under him again.

He's her brother, but as Jayden gets up and brushes himself off, tossing the staff down on the mat for the next candidate, Lauren notes that she felt nothing out of the ordinary the entire time. If anything, the walls around her heart have only strengthened. Jayden, at least, has a crew that he has bonded with and two co-pilots that he knows front and back. He knows noise, is comfortable in it.

She does not, is not.

Ji is still unreadable as he presses his lips into a thin line and calls out for the next candidate, "Kevin."

Lauren takes him down just as quickly, just as skillfully. The room is quiet as Kevin's back hits the mat for the last time. He stares up at her, a stranger to her world, and she hardens her gaze, shutting him out like she had Jayden.

Antonio is next. Without him, of course, Flaming Shogun can still operate smoothly; that is how it'd started, after all. But, she knows this is pointless. She isn't compatible with Antonio -- she wouldn't be, especially since she wasn't with her own brother.

He falls, too, and for the kicks, Lauren sighs but lets Ji call Emily then Mike up to have their own dialogues with her. Rangers then trainees then even _candidates_ _to be trainees._ Ji is testing her patience by the time training ends. Lauren knows she is definitely testing his; she's gone through all of the options that he has gathered for her, and none of them have even come close to panning out.

It is with quiet, restrained coldness that Ji dismisses the room, crew and all, back to their stations and duties before lunch at 1200. Everyone files out of the Combat Room, handful by handful. Lauren catches Mia look at her, curiously, but stares her down until, at last, the Rangers and Ji are the only ones left.

Lauren crosses her arms and waits for the axe to fall. What she expects, though, is her axe -- that she did things a certain way, _her_ way, in Tokyo and she brought back damn good results for that Shatterdome, that it's not going to be any different here.

Instead, "I'm grounding you until further notice."

Her mouth falls open, the most emotion she's ever let herself be seen to express outside of a Conn-Pod. " _What?_ "

"Would you like me to repeat myself, Ranger?"

The others are silent, noticeably uncomfortable, especially Jayden.

Lauren balls her fists up at her side, jaw clenching, "Are you _kidding_ me?"

Ji shakes his head, "No, not at all. Xandred is the most dangerous category five we've ever seen on this side of the Pacific, and if he comes back through The Breach, I'm not sending out a Jaeger that only has one pilot. It's as simple as that."

"That Jaeger with only one pilot gets _results,_ Marshal," she hisses, taking steps forward off of the mat until she's standing right in front of him; he doesn't budge, "You've seen my record."

"I have," Ji nods, "Which only proves to me further that you need to be grounded. In Panorama, we're all a team, and no pilot goes out onto the field without a co." He pauses, meeting her suppressed, frustrated gaze with a blank one of his own, evenly, “That is, of course, without adding to the equation your personal vendetta against Xandred.”

At that, Lauren swallows and closes her eyes, trying to rein back the fire burning inside of her. "Then, why," she asks through gritted teeth, "bring me here if you're just going to _ground_ me?"

"Oh, I made no mistake in your reassignment, but I had hoped you could find someone here who you were drift compatible with. The problem would then be solved, and you would be fit for duty."

"I drift with _no_ one," Lauren states, the truest fact in the world to her.

Ji is unfazed, "Then you stay grounded until you do."

 

-

 

“I don’t get why you can’t just… let someone in.”

Lauren crosses her arms over her chest as Jayden throws his hands up in frustration. The door to her room is shut, although she wouldn’t be surprised if his team was huddled up on the other side, listening in.

“It’s not that simple,” she says, her tone clipped.

“Then _explain_ it to me!” He looks at her, expectantly, but she doesn’t know how to put it into words. There is a rhythm to which everyone lives their lives, and while Lauren has never had a truly musically-inclined ear, she knows the beat she lives her life to.

Nothing.

It is in that emptiness, ironically enough, that she finds meaning in the chaos. This alone separates her from the other Rangers. The Grid is where pilots take all aspects of themselves into it and let go, and she doesn’t know if she’d ever trust someone that unconditionally, period.

“Not everyone had the luxury of growing up in a base with a team,” Lauren mutters, taking a deep breath.

“I know.”

“ _Do_ you?” she bites and scowls at him, “Because every Ranger _I_ knew was dead before I graduated the Academy. I didn’t have a copilot because the rest of them were dead. I’m sure you know that.”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “Look… the way they handled that… you should’ve been reassigned somewhere else where you could find a partner.”

“And leave Tokyo defenseless?”

“I-- Well, then, _someone_ should’ve gotten sent to you.”

“We had no time, Jayden,” she says, quietly, “Someone needed to get into a Jaeger and protect the city. So, I did. Alone.”

He reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder, and it takes everything in her body to not flinch back, “I’m just saying… you don’t have to anymore.”

Lauren frowns, standing her ground, “I don’t want you or _anyone_ in my head.”

Jayden shakes his head, disappointment in his eyes that she ignores, and chuckles, sadly, “Then, I guess it must be pretty lonely in there.”

 

-

 

At dinnertime, Lauren lets herself be the last one to grab a meal from the line, once again. As she takes her tray, Mia meets her gaze, and Lauren braces herself.

“You were amazing,” Mia compliments with a smile, but Lauren scowls.

“None of that matters if I don’t have a co-pilot, apparently.”

Mia gives her a sympathetic smile, one that Lauren doesn’t quite feel in her chest, “Oh, yeah, I heard about that. But, hey, hopefully, it’ll all work out. I’ve been here for a long time -- things have a funny way of clicking together."

"Do they, now?" Lauren asks it challengingly, tilting her chin up a bit arrogantly as if she finds the idea ridiculous and not worth considering, but Mia just smiles.

"Yeah, they do."

Lauren frowns and walks away, abruptly, irritated at the nagging at the edge of her mind that Mia might be right, that Panorama could be where it all will change for her. She doesn't quite like change too much. Can adapt to it, yes, but tolerate it, less so. Walking past Jayden's table, she takes her tray all the way to her room and eats in solitude.

 

-

 

The next day, Ji specifically requests her to perform a solo test before lunch.

"What's the point?" she asks, bitterly, "You've already grounded me, so it's not like I can deploy if something comes up."

"I want to see what happens -- up close, not from a news report."

The way he says that makes her whirl around and narrow her eyes at him, like he's in on some secret that she's not -- like he expects something. "What's gonna _happen_ is that I'm going to be able to pilot _my_ Jaeger all by myself, and that's it."

Ji regards her with a glance then nods, "If that's it, then that's it. I simply want to observe is all."

He _says_ that, but it's not a private test, not by a long shot. Lauren is sure that Ji could order everyone back to their regular duties if he wanted to… but the thing is that he doesn't _want_ to. Everyone is crowded around the railing of the various balconies overlooking the Jaeger bay and even in the control room. Lauren can spot Jayden and the others through the window of the control room, standing behind the marshal, as she takes the elevator up to the armory.

And, interestingly enough, she sees Mia in the control room as well, next to Emily. Her brow furrows; it's not where she'd expect to see a cook, being allowed into one of the most important rooms on the base. Regardless, she wipes the fleeting thought from her mind as the elevator stops, and she suits up to get into the Conn-Pod of Heavenly Fire.

"We didn't drop it on the trip over," one of the technicians cracks a joke as she passes by him, flashing her a grin.

Lauren doesn't smile back, "I'd hope not."

He sobers up pretty fast and steps back to give her her space.

Her helmet in her hands, Lauren steps into the command platform on the right side of the Conn-Pod, her boots clanking into place with the imprints. She slips her helmet on, making sure that it clicks and sets before grabbing the right hemisphere controller. The technician fastens the right hemisphere’s feedback cradle onto her Spinal Clamp and pulls the left hemisphere controller closer, swiveling it over to where she can reach it.

“Thanks,” Lauren murmurs as he checks that everything’s secure before leaving.

The exit hatch hisses shut behind him.

Lauren flicks the power switch on the control panel. Beneath her feet, Heavenly Fire comes to life. The comms crackle with the voice of the LOCCENT mission controller.

_"Preparing neural link."_

She glances over at the empty command platform next to her and shakes her head. Bring nothing into her connection with The Grid.

Lauren reaches over and grabs the left hemisphere controller, gripping both comfortably in her hands. In the years she's been piloting Heavenly Fire, accommodations have been made for her _unique_ style of piloting, namely having the control panel respond to her vocal commands so she could use both of her hands to pilot. There's nothing she can really do to argue against the inherent design of having two command platforms, though.

"Ready," she calls out, closing her eyes and waiting.

_"Initiating neural link in three… two… one."_

 

-

 

Suffocating, humid, smothering is the air around her as Lauren slams the door to her room shut. Her hands are trembling, shoulders shuddering, and she stumbles to the bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet with numb fingers. She hears the door open but doesn't look, knowing that there's only one person in the base who can bypass access to her quarters. Instead, Lauren grabs the bottle of anticonvulsant pills that she needs and opens it, rattling one out into her palm as Marshal Ji watches.

"You said you wanted to see what happens up close," she mutters, sneering at him. She swallows the pill dry and crosses her arms, still shaking but determined to not let him see how much of a wreck she is on the inside.

"That I did," Ji nods, but his face is a void of any real judgment, "Piloting solo is dangerous."

"I _know_ that."

"Nobody else has ever piloted by themselves for as long as you have."

Lauren rolls her eyes, but her vision blurs so she shuts them, sighing, "Are you just going to keep stating things I already know?"

Ji stays silent and fixes her with a stare. She feels the uncomfortable edge of being watched by an authority figure, a superior, and tries to square her shoulders as best as she can while still feeling like she's about to spill her guts all over her bathroom floor.

"I'm going to die," Lauren whispers, avoiding his eyes, "If I keep doing this, if I don't drift with someone else."

"That you are," Ji agrees, "So, will I be seeing you tomorrow morning for another test in the Kwoon Room?"

Her head moves only a fraction, but it's enough for him to get the message.

"Okay, then," he sighs and turns to leave, "You and Heavenly Fire are staying grounded."

Lauren lets out a harsh breath as the marshal shuts the door behind him. She made peace with it long ago.

 

-

 

The Kwoon Room is empty as Lauren had known it would be at this hour of the night. She can't help her insomnia, though, despite the medications she's on and the precautions she had taken back in Tokyo -- all the psych evals and health tests that had been run to make sure she was in the best possible shape, considering her… predicament.

Her choice, really.

Lauren grabs a bo staff from the rack on the wall and takes off her shoes, stepping onto the mat. Her form is unfocused, distracted, her mind elsewhere, as she twirls the staff in her hands and imagines taking down unseen enemies in her mind's eye. They fall, easily, as she uses the end of the staff as leverage to launch into a front flip.

After she twists her body around and her feet hit the mat, Lauren stiffens, immediately, seeing Mia standing at the entrance. "I didn't hear you coming," she says without much room for pleasantries. At this time of the night, her greetings exist in the fact that she's even talking.

Mia shrugs, "I can be quiet when I want to be." She goes over to the far wall and takes a staff off of the rack and motions at Lauren with a nod, "Would you mind if I joined you?"

 _Yes._ Lauren raises her eyebrows, wanting to scoff, "Why would you wanna join me?"

"Curiosity," Mia says, simply, the hint of a smile on her lips.

Lauren actually scoffs, "I've spent my whole life training."

Mia toes off her shoes and steps onto the mat, twirling the staff with both hands, "Then, you'll have a _great_ time beating me, won't you?"

The way she says those words, the way she holds the staff in her hands and eases into a stance that Lauren recognizes from her days in the Academy has her pausing for a moment, but she quickly ignores it. Perhaps, if Mia had been around the base a long time like she'd said, then she would've picked up a thing or two. And a thing or two is definitely not enough to make them equals.

Of course, if she wants to challenge Lauren, then…

The first strike is too easy. Lauren brings her staff inches away from Mia's neck, but the other woman doesn't flinch or even make a move to dodge. "1-0."

They step apart, and Mia lunges for her, feinting to the right and when Lauren goes to block the strike, she stops her staff just shy of slamming into Lauren's left ribcage. "1-1," Mia quips, smiling cheekily.

Lauren is still processing when they break apart and resume their initial stances, and it's that processing that has her almost miss Mia's next strike, aimed for her legs. Mia's foot hooks around the back of her ankle, pulling, but Lauren manages to react in time, bringing her staff to the back of Mia's knees in turn.

Her back hits the mat, and Mia falls on top of her, smirking.

"I'd say that's 2-2," she whispers, hushed, her hair tickling Lauren's cheeks.

"Get _off_ of me," she scowls, but when Mia obliges, chuckling to herself as she gets up, Lauren doesn't move. She stares at the ceiling in silent shock. "You're not _just_ a cook, are you?" she asks, realizing, propping herself up on her elbows and gazing at Mia.

Mia shakes her head, "It's not really some big secret… but you don't talk to anyone else much around here, do you?"

Lauren frowns, waiting for her to get to the point.

"I used to be in the Academy," she explains, quietly, "With Jayden and the others. The five of us, we were the best in our class."

Getting to her feet, Lauren lays her staff down on the floor and crosses her arms. "I didn't receive a file on you when I was reassigned here," she says, tilting her head, curiously, "And there wasn't any mention of you in the others' files."

"Because I didn't stay a Ranger. Jayden and Kevin were drift compatible, and so were Mike and Emily, and when Antonio came, well, that was an… interesting situation," Mia sighs, running a hand through her hair, "I retired after Antonio drifted with Jayden and Kevin. I wasn't compatible with anyone."

Lauren feels the air between them shift, but that just makes her more tense. It's… odd. She knows that this is personal -- private, even -- for Mia and the fact that the other woman is imparting with the information so freely with her, a stranger… She wants to leave, wants to get away from what's making discomfort rise in her stomach, but she doesn't budge. Her feet are stuck, but even more, her mind is stuck, attentive to Mia's every word.

"Why did you retire?" Lauren asks, her brow furrowing, "There would've been more Rangers coming out of the Academy."

Mia looks at the ground. "We tried -- _I_ tried -- for some time, but eventually, I decided that it would've been better for me to help out the base in another way instead of just consuming time and resources by failing compatibility tests with other Rangers."

Lauren bites on the inside of her cheek; she doesn't know how to respond to that, so she doesn't. She awkwardly drops her hands to her side, not knowing what to do with them, but _that_ feels weird so she crosses her arms again. Mia stares at her, just _looking,_ and Lauren keeps her gaze, but she desperately wants to tear her eyes away.

Something inside of her fights to make itself known, thrashing about in the pit of her stomach. It climbs into her chest, digging its claws into her lungs. She inhales, sharply, tears suddenly prickling at the corners of her eyes, and freezes. Lauren opens her mouth to _ask,_ to ask what's happening to her, as if Mia could possibly know, but somehow, she knows that Mia knows, that Mia understands. But, she feels that something crawling into her throat, and she chokes on it, her words lost to the silence between them. Lauren blinks, and tears trail down her cheeks, her heart breaking and forming again.

The last time she had cried was when her father had died and, by the time she had taken care of the kaiju that was off the coast of Tokyo, it had been too late to fly in for his funeral.

Wiping away her tears with the palm of her hand, Lauren draws in a shaky breath and walks past Mia, keeping her head bowed, her eyes hidden. Their shoulders brush; she tests the fates, stepping close enough but not to touch, and Mia meets her halfway, leaning over without looking at her. Lauren shudders at the contact, unable to keep down the choked sob that comes out of her throat, but she keeps walking, her entire body shaking, until she reaches her quarters.

 

-

 

Lauren jolts awake, her heart racing, at loud knocking on her door. Calming her breathing, she scrambles out of bed and peeks through the peephole, furrowing her brow in confusion upon seeing Marshal Ji. She yanks the door open and squints at him, snapping off a groggy salute, "Good morning… sir. May I, uh, help you?"

Ji clasps his hands behind his back and nods, "Yes, actually, you can. I've received word that someone here, in this base, is drift compatible with you, and I'd like for you to get suited up for a neural link test."

Her blood runs cold, and she feels nauseous again like she had last night. "Uh, I-I don't know where you… got the idea that I'm-- that I'm compatible w-with someone, sir," she sputters, fighting the urge to slam the door in his face, "We already ran through all the, um, the candidates. You know that."

He sees right through her and shakes his head, "Not all of them."

"I--" Lauren swallows, her throat dry, "I'll… head to the Combat Room, then--"

The marshal holds up a hand. "That won't be necessary," he says, confidently, "Mia already told me that she saw what she needed to see last night, and I trust her word."

Lauren goes pale, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Jaeger bay in fifteen minutes."

She nods, mutely, and shuts the door as he leaves then collapses against it, bracing herself against the steel with both hands. Her knees shake, and her chest heaves, uncertainly. Fingers trembling, Lauren manages to get herself dressed and makes a beeline for the Jaeger bay.

When she gets there, it looks like everyone who'd been there to see her perform her solo test came back to see her drift. Lauren steels her spine and heads for the elevator to the armory, noticing with a sinking feeling that all the other Rangers are already in the control room with Marshal Ji. Mia, of course, is noticeably absent.

The elevator doors slide open, and Lauren steps into the armory. Mia is already there, suited up, a helmet in her hands. Uneasily, Lauren glances at the pair of technicians present and clears her throat. "Can I have a moment, please? It'll-- it'll be quick." Her voice wavers, but she tries her best to keep her chin up.

The technicians glance at where Lauren's Drivesuit hangs from its rack, but Mia nods, assuredly, at them. "I've got it," she says, so they leave, heading for the walkway leading to Heavenly Fire's Conn-Pod.

In the silence after, Lauren clenches her jaw and walks to her suit as determinedly as she can, even though her knees feel like buckling. She begins by taking the gauntlets and upper arm braces off of the rack and clicking them into place before slipping on her gloves. Mia quietly approaches her and grabs the torso piece, front and back, before Lauren can get to it.

"Arms over your head," Mia says, and Lauren bites the inside of her cheek, stiffly obeying, as Mia reaches around her and fits the front and back parts of her torso armor onto Lauren's chest, making sure that they're secure.

"I've never drifted with someone before," Lauren blurts out, abruptly, as Mia steps back, "Ever." She clenches her hands into fists at her side, the gloves preventing her from pressing her nails into her palms.

Mia chuckles, almost sadly. "Yeah, I figured. But, we are… compatible," she says, softly, "I know you felt it. Last night."

"I don't-- I don't want to feel it," Lauren mutters, closing her eyes before she can start crying again.

"You can't deny it--"

"I don't _know_ you," she snaps, opening her eyes and glaring, frustratedly, at Mia.

Mia takes another step back, and Lauren flinches, knowing without knowing that she'd hurt her, remorse building in her core. "Well, if we go in there and it doesn't work out, then you won't have to," she murmurs then turns on her heel, her boots clanging against the metal floor as she walks away.

Her stomach turning uneasily, Lauren puts the rest of her Drivesuit on and grabs her helmet, every step taking her closer to the Conn-Pod of the Jaeger she'd piloted _alone_ for years feeling like a million years. When she enters, Mia is already locked into the left command platform, her hand firmly holding the left hemisphere controller, already hooked up to her respective feedback cradle. The technicians stand off to the side, waiting for Lauren to step into place. Lauren says nothing as they attach her to the feedback cradle and she grabs the right hemisphere controller. When the technicians leave, she lets out a heavy sigh then flicks the power on.

"Heavenly Fire, ready for drift compatibility test, take one," she breathes out, looking at the control panel instead of at Mia.

Marshal Ji's voice drifts in over the comms, directed to the LOCCENT mission controller, _"Engage pilot-to-pilot protocol."_

_"Engaging pilot-to-pilot protocol."_

In front of them, the screen lights up with their vitals, displaying information completely alien and new to Lauren. She glances over it all, her eyes flickering, and swallows, thickly.

_"Rangers, this is Marshal Ji. Prepare to receive neural handshake."_

_"Initiating neural handshake in fifteen seconds. 15…"_

Lauren takes a deep breath and glances at Mia, her jaw tense. "You're not gonna like it," she says, weakly, "In my head."

_"12… 11…"_

Mia shrugs, unfazed, "I'm sure I'll be able to handle it."

_"8… 7…"_

"I've-- Piloting alone-- it _hurts,_ " she chokes out, suddenly feeling very, very uncertain about everything. The load hasn't killed her. Yet. But, even then, Lauren doesn't want to know what it could do to someone else, _especially_ someone like Mia who's never fully drifted with someone before.

What a pair they make.

_"5… 4… 3--"_

"Hold on, Marshal," Mia suddenly reaches over to the control panel and switches the comms off for a moment, not waiting for Ji's acknowledgment or permission. Lauren glances at the floor, frowning at herself, fully aware that everyone in the control room had _definitely_ heard that raw vulnerability, Jayden included. "Lauren, look at me."

She does.

"If we're compatible," Mia says, slowly but surely, "Then, I'll handle it."

"What-- what if you can't?" Tears threaten to well up in her eyes, and with her helmet on, she can't brush them away. But, just the _thought_ of having someone else be able to feel everything she's ever felt terrifies her. "I don't-- it could throw you out of alignment," she protests, stuttering, "I don't want you to feel that."

Mia looks away, contemplating, then nods to herself. "I won't chase the rabbit if you won't," she says, ending the conversation by switching the comms back on, "Sorry, sir. Ready to initiate neural handshake."

There's a moment of silence from the other side then Ji speaks, _"Would you like to restart the count, Rangers?"_

Mia glances at Lauren, who shakes her head, "No, sir, that won't be necessary."

_"Alright, proceed."_

_"2… 1… neural handshake initiated."_

Lauren closes her eyes as she slips under. In the void, in The Grid, she feels different. She's never been here before, in this space, but she can inexplicably feel Mia's consciousness brushing against hers and more. Behind her eyes, she sees Mia's family, growing up in Panorama City, parents and a younger brother. Flashes go by, complete with information that she doesn't even have to hear but just _knows_ \-- Mia's brother, Terry, leaving to train to be a doctor with the PPDC, Mia joining the Academy and training and becoming fast friends with the other trainees, trying over and over again to drift but not finding someone who clicked with her completely. The loneliness, the emptiness like hers, but different. Same, but different.

Then, it hits her -- her side of the drift. The pain, the agony, getting back into her Jaeger and fighting the burden with every fiber of her being, stretching her willpower to its breaking point, pushing it to the edge only to take it back right before she cracks and crumbles to dust.

And the silence.

The deafening silence of piloting by herself, with no other presence in her mind to keep her company, for years on end, _forcing_ her Jaeger to obey her with one mind instead of two, killing herself by sacrificing her own stability for the sake of the greater good.

Lauren opens her eyes, gasping, and frantically glances at Mia, finding the same wild eyes, but there are no flashing red lights, no alarms going off. She breathes, heavily, but only finds a soothing calm seeping into her bones.

_"Neural handshake strong and holding."_

Mia breathes a sigh of relief and smiles, nodding to herself and Lauren.

 

-

 

They have lunch, together, but out in the Jaeger bay instead of the mess hall.

Lauren dangles her legs off of the walkway they're sitting on, overlooking Heavenly Fire -- not hers, anymore, but _theirs._

Mia chews on a french fry and looks at her, thoughtfully, waiting for her to speak.

"So, now, you know," Lauren murmurs, aimlessly prodding at her food with a fork.

"Yeah," Mia nods and shrugs, "Now, I know. But, hey, you're not grounded anymore."

Lauren leans her forehead against the cold, metal railing that stops her from pitching forward and falling dozens of feet.

"We have a chance against Xandred," Mia continues, "When he comes back."

She doesn't doubt that, but… Lauren clears her throat, putting her fork down and pushing her tray away. "I'm not used to it."

"What?" Mia asks, but Lauren knows that she probably already knows the answer. She also knows, though, that Mia is a firm believer in the power of shaking off burdens by speaking them aloud.

"The noise," she confesses, quietly, "The absence of the silence."

Understanding immediately, instinctively, Mia nods, "That's okay. I can be quiet." She pushes her tray away, too, and shifts, moving closer to Lauren, and leans her head against the railing as well. Then, she holds her hand out, a wordless offer.

Taking a deep breath, Lauren reaches out and intertwines their fingers together.

**Author's Note:**

> title from Hello My Old Heart - The Oh Hellos
> 
> me: ok this was a nice one-time au oneshot  
> my pacific rim phase from 2012: become obsessed again  
> me: dammit
> 
> hmu on tumblr @ taylorearhardts for never shutting up abt power rangers


End file.
